I also get to observe those Quirky drivers obeying the Quirky Code, which includes numerous efficiency-driven details unknown to those who lack the grammatical daring to Think Different.
1) Green means go. Yellow means slown down in sissy language. Red means you're a fucking hero. Jah, Push it!
2) Weaving in and out of traffic is only illegal if you are weak. Go, speed racer. Go.
3) Right turn on red applies even if there's a car waiting in front of you at the light. Just drive on around him. (Just learned this one today! Soon I'll be driving like a man, not a little pussy.)
But that's not my story. Mine is a special story, a classic story of the Quirky.
So I was sitting on my downtown perch, hoping for an accident or at least a fight. Then a jalopy that's been sitting at the red catches my attention when the light changes. The poor little junker keeps revving every now and again as those behind it gradually realize they're going to have to go around. I settle back in my lawn chair and take a pull off my Super Big Gulp.
The revving continues through two cycles. Once, the guy leaves the car in neutral and it almost fools me as it starts to roll into the intersection. Then, finally, with a fart of smoke from the tailpipe and a bloated roar, it's in action and drives on.
But wait... What's this? Can it be? Just as farty belch got the green light to go, the car idling directly next to him died. And I, of course, had an orgasm of snark.
And so all the people who'd gone into the left lane to avoid righty had to pull into the right to avoid lefty. And that's kind of it, and I guess you had to be there to appreciate the beauty of this accidental choreography, this harmony of horrible hulks, this terpsichorean timing of two terrible trashheaps. I thought it was kind of funny how the second car revved his engine with metronomic regularity, about every five seconds, and how I thought, 'well, that shit ain't gonna work,' and how on rev 47 the engine came to life, so this was, like, a method. But that's not a story. That's just a thing I thought was, well, ironic?
